Monkeys see no need for ladders.
Ladders are a waste of wood, wood that could be used by monkeys to make tiny wooden monkey rocking chairs.
Monkeys see a great need for tiny wooden monkey rocking chairs.
A ladder to a monkey is an insult to their ability to climb things. Its akin to giving a dolphin swimming flippers, or a bird a parachute 'just in case'.
So when monkeys get drunk (which is mostly on a wednesday night) and see a ladder, they naturally look for ways to destroy them.
Its this little tibbet of information that was not conveyed to me last wednesday night as I walked home from the hardware store with my new 2 metre ladder. If I had known that wednesday night was a big no-no for walking around with a ladder I would've held off for day. Or at least gotten a smaller step ladder that was easier to hide.
Alas I did not.
So its late wednesday night, I'd just purchased a lovely 2 metre ladder from the 24hr kmart with the high hopes of using it the next day to visit the top of my next door neighbour's lemon tree when I saw them.
Or more precisely, not see them.
These monkeys were almost ninja like in movement. Not like segal but rather jean claude. And I think that the fact that they were drunk made them even more agile and ninja-like. I would describe it as getting into a confrontation with chuck norris, you just don't know what hit you until you wake up the next day in a room without any clothes on and a strong desire for a 2.5 litre bottle of diet coke.
It happened so fast. A drunk ninja monkey from the left, a drunk ninja monkey from the right and a even drunker ninja monkey from behind. Like a drunken ninja thief from the night, I was left battered and bruised and sans my ladder.
I hate drunken ninja monkeys.
No comments:
Post a Comment