Yeh, second thoughts are often the smartest

True it is past midnight on what I often deem a 'school night' but I'm thinking of staying here for a bit and testing the waters.

On second thoughts, I should go to bed.

Nothingness

Its the beginning that Simon always found difficult. The endings were often out of his control so he did not fear it, nor the middle part which always came naturally to him. No, it was just the beginnings.

"Beginnings are tough" he said to me once, "because there's no baseline to refer off, no standard norm that you can gauge off"

I could see the method in his thoughts, as little as I know of these things I understood the helplessness of starting afresh.

However, unlike myself, Simon pushed through it more often than not. "Beginnings are tough to be sure, but you gotta get through it, and then you're sweet."

I just nodded and drank another beer.

Drunken monkeys and ladders to nowhere.

Monkeys see no need for ladders.

Ladders are a waste of wood, wood that could be used by monkeys to make tiny wooden monkey rocking chairs.

Monkeys see a great need for tiny wooden monkey rocking chairs.

A ladder to a monkey is an insult to their ability to climb things. Its akin to giving a dolphin swimming flippers, or a bird a parachute 'just in case'.

So when monkeys get drunk (which is mostly on a wednesday night) and see a ladder, they naturally look for ways to destroy them.

Its this little tibbet of information that was not conveyed to me last wednesday night as I walked home from the hardware store with my new 2 metre ladder. If I had known that wednesday night was a big no-no for walking around with a ladder I would've held off for day. Or at least gotten a smaller step ladder that was easier to hide.

Alas I did not.

So its late wednesday night, I'd just purchased a lovely 2 metre ladder from the 24hr kmart with the high hopes of using it the next day to visit the top of my next door neighbour's lemon tree when I saw them.

Or more precisely, not see them.

These monkeys were almost ninja like in movement. Not like segal but rather jean claude. And I think that the fact that they were drunk made them even more agile and ninja-like. I would describe it as getting into a confrontation with chuck norris, you just don't know what hit you until you wake up the next day in a room without any clothes on and a strong desire for a 2.5 litre bottle of diet coke.

It happened so fast. A drunk ninja monkey from the left, a drunk ninja monkey from the right and a even drunker ninja monkey from behind. Like a drunken ninja thief from the night, I was left battered and bruised and sans my ladder.

I hate drunken ninja monkeys.

The milk bit is somewhat important.

So this weekend I was told that I am not a humorous man. And like the extremely self confident man that I am, I naturally let that statement destroy my ego.

My ego is in tiny tiny pieces on the floor.

Nonetheless I can only go out there and prove the wrong. If i must go and research 1001 knock knock jokes, its what I must do. If I must go and learn humorous anecdotes about monkeys and fairy bread, its what I must do. If I must become wittier, more sharp and biting, its what I must do.

I must also buy milk.

Tiny tiny pieces on the floor I tell you.

Just give me time.

"Have you ever wanted to pack it all up and just leave?"
"Pack it all up and leave? Where would we go? What would we do?"
"Just be free" she says, a twinkle in her eye betrays her excitement, "we could explore the world, do whatever we want"
"But what about..." he begins,
"Forget about it" she says sharply, the eyes now dark with anger "forget I even asked".
She gets up and walks to the kitchen to make a coffee, the coffee isn't as important and her need to get out of the room. Away from him.
It wasn't supposed to be like this, she thinks, she had plans. To see the world, find her place in life.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
He follows her to the kitchen, confused with what just happened but at least aware that she is upset.
"You ok babe? What's wrong?" as he places his hand softly on her waist.
"Forget about it, I"m fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes".

It wasn't supposed to be like this.